Listen to yourself

Listening to myself sometimes is an irrational, inexplicable, weird thing.
How could I ever explain those hard-to-touch sensations in my stomach, which restrain me to say “yes” to something or someone? Oh, I trespassed this silent companion so many times, and then hurt myself so deep that I have no  patience more, nor time, or rather I don’t have this lazy unconscious luxury that I could chose to stay deaf to my own self.

Listening to myself and accepting, acknowledging whatever raises from the depths of the self is a courageous act, like taking the red pill in the Matrix. It’s to decide to stand for myself even if I am aware of some different expectations, desires from others, and I stand my ground. It’s to stand for my truth, beyond wanting to please everyone around.

And this is why to listen to myself sometimes breaks my heart, as I am stubborn like a donkey once I received the message from within, and most of the times it’s a question of either-or. Either I follow my self, and I hurt someone saying “no”; or, I don’t respect my boundaries which I can feel very clearly, and I let myself be convinced; only to feel shit very soon. Because I knew what I should be, and I didn’t follow, and I had the choice. Of course, there is a quite large territory to play with compromise and leave the comfort zone. Which is healthy, and is also part of my life. I refer here to those cases, where compromise is no longer a choice, and you need to decide which way to take. Moving forward, backward, sideways… you need to pick a direction. Toward or away.

For this same reason to listen to myself can be very uncomfortable. As it may happen that neither I can argue or explain why I decide and feel what I decide and feel. But at the end, yes, I realize that I was right. And then I feel grateful for having my silent companion, this deep self, this amazing beautiful being I can rely on and trust.
I know how it feels to bargain and let myself be convinced. I’ve been there, done that, too many times, far too many times – and I desire the peaceful wild forests and coolness of icy rocks like those high mountains that reflect a snowy sun even on a summer day. Summer is beautiful. The truant is healed, home; fairy tale-like princess blossomed from down under the scars and tattered clothes.
It is safe to trust your ground, your palace, your treasure, your inner voice. It is your choice.

Published by

Anna Sólyom

Certified TRE® Provider, Biodynamic craniosacral therpaist, PSYCH-K® advanced facilitator. Writer. Dancer. Body consciousness. Mindfulness practices and meditations. Reconnect with your wellbeing.

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