let it be

Ten days ago I made one of the most important decisions of the past years. Finally, after days and months of struggle, I decided to leave my past behind (profession, concepts of the world and myself, way of living, etc) and embarque on a new adventure in my life.

I call it an adventure, as finally I feel alive, after so long time in the dark I feel shiny and inspired, full of energies and more organised (or at least getting there). I can feel the huge transformation that was and is going on.
And I can spot exactly when it has started, with a first step, almost a month ago, with forgiving my father out of the blue, and then standing up first time in my life as a queen to protect my woman self-esteem and I strongly declined to accept inappropriate behaviour toward my direction.

In between these steps, I remember arriving home and collapsing on my floor, drunk or sober, crying like a baby and praying that please, please, I never  want to fall in love again, I had enough. Then the switch happened, unexpectedly. Maybe my prayers got listened… The dark demanding cloud washed away, and  I finally genuinely and most honestly didn’t give a fuck about finding anyone. From head to toe, from my deepest corners up to my higher self, first ever time in I don’t know how many decades: I did let go my deepest dreams, desires, longings for a partner. And I became whole as I was, I became free. I don’t know how  I have done it, I suspect it wasn’t really me.
Within the topic of giving or not giving a fuck, I heartily recommend this good read by Mark Manson, entitled: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck . 

It’s a common knowledge, things happen when you least expect it: of course that within only 5 or 7 days, love has found me, came up to my door, asked to be let in and haven’t left since then. And here I am, freed from my past, re-learning what real love is. I am deeply, humbly grateful to be able to experience it, to be able to accept it, and I am grateful for God that I met this man.

So my life, within 21 short days, changed completely.

Just a bit back again to the turning point, when I finally didn’t give a fuck about love, I wanted to focus on my professional road, to find a job. Any time I went on the web and checked the newsletters and different job search sites, I got the feeling that I don’t fit anywhere, and started to panic. The two jobs I was interviewing for, both at the very last second encountered a candidate either internally, or someone who had not only the skills but right experiences too.

The nature of love is that it transforms, completes, heals, whatever it touches. It also helped me to find a way out of my misery, and take the obvious step I was avoiding since so long. Which is, that I decided to take the road less traveled. Scary.

I was considering the choice at one evening, that night, ten days ago, quietly contemplating and tasting my possible choices, risks and desires after a friendly talk. By the morning, the choice was made. It was set while I was sleeping, in my dreams. I woke up and I knew that I stepped on the path I feared since months I would, and I felt light, and bright, full of inspiration and happy.
I do have waves of fears coming with the high tide sometimes, but it still feels right. It feels full of light and fresh air, and something drags me forward and I won’t turn back, I am crossing the river.

What’s this decision?

  1. Coming back to writing – presently I work on a tale/novel, and have plans for some other stuff too, including finding publisher for my book;
  2. and switch from part time therapist to full time craniosacral therapist.

There’s still a lot of job to be done, but I am not alone, I am supported and hold, from above as from below, from outside as from inside. This is my new life, my new beginning, unleashing my strings and stepping in fully, being fully, becoming wholly who I am.

Please, if you have some time, take a look of the newly edited parts of my site where you can read much more about this therapy. These parts of the site will soon be translated to Spanish too. Please, share you insights, comment, let me know if you like these new pages, if it’s clearly formulated, etc.

Welcome 🙂 and thank you!

Published by

Anna Sólyom

Certified TRE® Provider, Biodynamic craniosacral therpaist, PSYCH-K® advanced facilitator. Writer. Dancer. Body consciousness. Mindfulness practices and meditations. Reconnect with your wellbeing.

2 thoughts on “let it be

    1. thanks a lot 🙂 I’m building it up… need those fingers crossed for me succeed: I’m still learning to fly.
      You’ll find yours I am sure. Maybe one day you’ll wake up and realise you’re already walking on it!

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