Tuesday Toffee #7: relaxing the heart

This is a zen-master quest, I would say so, or any mindfulness-centred person’s conquest to reach the so-called inner peace (which is so nicely outlined in Kung-Fu Panda 2).

My inner zen-master’s quest.

Transitioning through a physical summer job toward brighter meadows brings up lots of emotional, mental and physical stress. I am not designed to do such job. I can, of course, and I did in the distant past, but I’ve become a pussycat. The more I do  this job, the sadder, the angrier and more exhausted I become, I can’t help but notice how rotten our society has become in the worship of Money and Wealth. Even if my body and mental muscles are becoming stronger day by day.

My alternative title for this post was: dignity. As I was contemplating on the meaning of this word all last week during work and beyond. I could also call it compassion – as at the end, if we just go deep down to the roots of the meaning of these words, we see that they are like twins, siamese-twins, inseparably connected together. Grown into the veins and heartbeats of the other.

As there is no compassion without dignity, and dignity will never be whole without compassion. As the individual cannot exist without his/her bound to his/her community. Even a monk in a cave has bounds to the community which waits him/her back. We can abandon civilisation of course, and live alone in the middle of nowhere, but these two things would never leave us behind. We’re too human to get away from dignity and compassion.

A relaxed heart is a fearless heart – and I wish I could just relax all the flexed muscles I have inside, I wish I could stop worrying.
And I am well aware how does it feel when my heart is relaxed. I have memories of not feeling pulled apart from different directions.

It may well be, that I am one of those misfits this lady talks about – though, at some points during her talk, I was about to interviene that “Hey, that’s called self-sabotage!” But I’d better shut up, as maybe, she is right. For one thing is sure: to relax the heart, we don’t need to be masters, or seek a master outside. One sole thing counts: if we can, finally, accept our stories and reinvent ourselves again, and again, and again, from the ashes of our previous selves. Because, we are capable to do it.
This is our unique beauty, the beauty of each one of us: we are capable to reinvent who we are and only we are capable to tell our story on its most precious way. Our way.

This is where, at last, a heart relaxes. No failure or bad choice was ever a mistake. We may not fit in, but this doesn’t matter. What matters is our story, our heart, our dignity.


During the past weekend I managed to relax my heart: I was surrounded by heavenly beauties at the Costa Brava, at Begur and its surroundings. And I was able to share some of my struggle with my partner, and being listened and understood brought an incredible ease to those invisible parts: I could finally breath. There’s a long way to go, but I am half way through!

One month down, one to go, then my summer job will be over. I am keen on staying open, and kind, and compassionate, and learn from each situation as much as I can. Sometimes, what is needed, is not to give a shit about some things, to leave things as they are, not trying to change everything or “die for things” which are not my problem. This guy, Mark Manson is right. We are conditioned to give too much fuck about things we shouldn’t… what do you think? Can we relax our heart, stop giving a fuck about certain things, and still be compassionate and acknowledge dignity?

I believe so. At the end, it’s about giving fucks about the right things.



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Anna Sólyom

Certified TRE® Provider, Biodynamic craniosacral therpaist, PSYCH-K® advanced facilitator. Writer. Dancer. Body consciousness. Mindfulness practices and meditations. Reconnect with your wellbeing.

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