A (late) Tuesday Toffee on Thursday #15: Touch

Once upon a time, more than ten years ago, I got connected with a great soul who is not with us anymore. He was Canadian, as far as I remember, but I guess he also had a short story in the USA. I don’t remember anymore, and it seems he’s buried deep in the wast land of internet. The only article I could find of him is this one, in Spanish.

Frank was an incredible therapist and psychologist, who travelled around the world leading groups, helping others to make friends with their fears and cross them… A teacher, a gestalt therapist, a leader, an eagle shaman and so much more. Actually I feel shocked that I find almost  n o t h i n g  on the internet I could share with you. (His page is not functional any more.)

Anyway, I was lucky enough to spend some time with him long before he moved on from this world. And it was from him that I learnt how important were my hands for me. More important than my sight, or my hearing.

In an extreme situation, where you’d be left only with your mobility and touch, or with your sight, or with your hearing, what would you chose to stay with? What can you not depart from?

For me it’s my hands. The sensation of a touch, the feeling of warmth or cold, the history of things my hands tell me by touching with them. Being able to give, to offer. To create. To paint, to write. To offer the therapies I do. How lucky I am that I have their sweet company in my life! There are so many of us who lost their hands.

The more and more I have the opportunity to support clients, the more I feel how hungry we all are for touch. For the right touch, at the right place, which gives us the feeling of being loved, supported, carried, taken care of. Being carried by hands that allow us to be and to rest. To let go.

We’ve spent 9 months in the womb of our mothers, surrounded by softly touching tissues and liquids. Our skin never forgets those months. Our largest organ – our skin, that is – is a great channel to decode and transmit signes and sensations received from the outer world. It can translate the language of touch, the language of a hug, a caress, a kiss.

Observe how many manners exist to touch another: it can be soft and almost invisible, like a kiss of a butterfly, or it can cause physical damage if we hit something… But between these two extremities, there’s a grate scale of different touches to explore.
You may prefer to be touched different ways on your shoulders than at the small of your back. Or an unexpected caress across your face can be intimidating while from another hand it can feel comforting, especially if it comes from your loved one.

Some of us need a lot more touch to keep ourselves healthy than others. Don’t be shy to seek the touch, the hug you need, from your family, from your friends, go for a massage, a craneo therapy that fills your batteries when it’s needed.

You are OK with the amount of touch you need, there is no good or wrong here. It can help you a lot to acknowledge your physical needs, as in this case, it’s also emotional. One factor to have bad humor and getting close to depression can be loosing the healthy amount of lovely touches you were used to have. This is a similar feeling to leave the sunshine and getting lost in a dark, cold place.

Virginia Satir, a great family therapist said: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”

Touch is a cheap and simple natural stress reliever, it can comfort us on incredible levels. There are many articles that speak about the benefits of daily hugs, I chose this one from Huffington Post.

I hope that during this northern Hampshire autumn and winter you touch and hug each other enough. Cuddle up often, it can save you from a big flue! 🙂 Even if it’s with your dog or cat, don’t miss it.

Thank you for reading, and that I could share a few words of a great spirit who is not with us anymore. Thank you Frank, for everything, may God bless you wherever you are. Thank you for accepting a Hawk into your Eagle’s circle.

Frank D. Cardelle

Big hug to you all  <3

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Anna Sólyom

Certified TRE® Provider, Biodynamic craniosacral therpaist, PSYCH-K® advanced facilitator. Writer. Dancer. Body consciousness. Mindfulness practices and meditations. Reconnect with your wellbeing.

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