Tuesday Toffee #17: transparent

As years go by, I feel more and more transparent.
Less capable to be anyone else than myself. Maybe, I hope, a bit less judgemental, and more opened to accept in, to offer space for whatever has to come to be.

This month I wrote an article to Integral about the Advaita philosophy (I will share it with you later on), and I came back to some of my roots which started when I was 16-17 years old.

I remember all my dedication, passion, and how I excluded things from my life without any doubt. And then how, along the way, life teaches inclusion, acceptance, to observe and let it go.

You – your Self – is neither this, nor that. You are That.  Neti, neti, ta tvam si – as the famous Sanskrit verse recites it. That refers to Brahman (God).

Beyond duality, beyond all the categories, beyond all the good and wrong, there is a space where none of these exist, neither the “I” as we experience it – there’s only Oneness, they say, and oh dear, yes, “I” do remember that “I” wasn’t there, and “I” was Oneness. Skip.

The pathless path, the mountain of paradoxes, everything is rather this AND that, and not this OR that.
The universal truth broken into milliards of shiny-sparking glass pieces, and there is no way to find the one and only truth.
Richard Sylvester, the author of the book “I hope you die soon” writes that never ever existed anyone or anything, there is nothing, no one is writing these sentences and no one is reading it on the other side. It’s just Oneness, playing with itself that it’s many.

On a very common and less paradoxical language it’s when Neo, the protagonist of Matrix, in the fragment of a moment realises, that there is no spoon. This sentence translates to there is no “I”. Meaning: either nothing ever existed (including me), or beyond the “I”, there is a freedom, where what is left when you cross the door of the “I” is pure freedom, existence, Oneness. (Of course you cannot imagine it, as the mind cannot imagine its decomposition. It’s OK. Trust me, it just can’t.)

So all my memories of meditations, enlightenment intensives, yogas, holotrope breathwork, trance-dances, ecstasy experiences and others came back to me, making my days and thoughts and emotions and my self as transparent as a shadow in the sunlight.

In the 17th century a well known philosopher and polyhistor, G. W. Leibniz asked: Why is there something rather than nothing? At the end, he arrived to God, as the ultimate reason of existence.

Actually, his question in its own is already sounds like Sri Ramana Maharshi (a guru from India from the 19th-20th century, fellow advaita philosopher, who said that the only question that is worth to ask is: “Who am I?” “Who is the “I”? “Who is this observer?”). Or, it sounds like a Buddhist koan, something, that doesn’t have a verbal answer, something to which the answer can only be YOU happening to be/become (inhabiting the answer with your pure and full existence).

A real bottom-line question can only be answered in becoming, as it is in its pure form. And becoming your deep true self allows the others around you to do the same for themselves as well, you trigger them, unconsciously, offering a unique opportunity to realise, to become, to happen, to be that sweet never-dying “I” which they hide in this mascarade.

You are part of transparence when you see the others, see their masks, see them as they are, and you let them be freely. How great, and how hard this is in the same time!

I like to be a Padawan. 😉 What a about you?

Thanks for reading, and big hug to you,


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Anna Sólyom

Certified TRE® Provider, Biodynamic craniosacral therpaist, PSYCH-K® advanced facilitator. Writer. Dancer. Body consciousness. Mindfulness practices and meditations. Reconnect with your wellbeing.

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