Tuesday Toffee #19: Valentine’s vacuum

Sometimes as a writer you face a blackout. Especially, if you are an emotional being, who can easily get lost within – depending on your cycle, the day, the hour and on who knows what else.

It’s the surprise factor: for the good and for the bad. We shouldn’t ever have expectations, it can well ruin the best ideas of your life. For example, if you are excited about a topic which you want to investigate and write about, and you tell about it to someone who is not capable to understand and reflect upon it the same level you wished for… you can’t blame a fish that it can’t climb trees! Too much expectations, my friend, that’s what it is.

Or, another example can be, when you ask for a service or help from someone you believe to be competent to do that thing for you. Sometimes the answer isn’t no (as it should be to keep things simple), and they try to explain that they want to do you another service or help you on another way, not the one you asked for.

The right amount of self-estimation is a really hard stuff. You may refuse to do something and propose something else, just because you don’t believe you are the right person to help. Or to do a certain service.

Some people will never believe that they can be competent enough, while others will always be convinced that you are incompetent and they know it better.

Those who like to keep things simple, will keep things simple. They know the value of simplicity and time, they are capable to say YES or NO, without complicating things. Or simply answering the question you ask, and not 5 different things you haven’t asked for.

Wise people say, to be happy and in peace, you have to lower your expectations.
Even lower.
Nope, even lower.

And a bit more.

In these past days I had at least 3 great topics I wanted to write about for today, but failing to lower my expectations (and failing to draft notes when I could have done it) the result is that it’s all gone. Yep. I relied on my mental capacities (won’t do ever again), and when unexpected responses reached me, I wasn’t shielded from blackout.

I think the same can be true in our emotional life. Too much expectations, without foundations and without wanting to check in with each other if we’re in a thing together, or if it’s a one man’s show.

From the other side of the moon, where I live with my love, it seems strange to have only one day in the year to give little gifts to each other. Every day, every moment is an opportunity to enjoy each other’s company and express how incredibly lucky we feel that we’ve met and we’re together. It’s a miracle for every day.

And of course, even here we face expectations, everyone his or her own. But we don’t face it in secret: it’s out there on the table, we share it, we express it, we ask… it doesn’t  matter what day it is, there’s always respect and communication. And we truly, honestly are in this together, bridging every day with presence, and filling Valentine’s vacuum with fresh air.

This fresh air, this “we” is what keeps me running when I feel down of miscalculating my expectations.

It doesn’t matter if you have no partner: with friends, among whom you can be completely yourself, your relaxed self and still be accepted – this is the same. Or if you can be the same relaxed and happy in your own company: it’s there with you.

Anyway. I didn’t want to write about Valentine’s Day, but that’s what happens when you forget your topics and your inspiration is cut off:  you write about that you can’t write… then eventually, writing happens, springs from the source and it takes you to unknown paths. It’s pure discovery. Like this one above.

Happy Valentine, and don’t forget to hug yourselves as well!


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Anna Sólyom

Certified TRE® Provider, Biodynamic craniosacral therpaist, PSYCH-K® advanced facilitator. Writer. Dancer. Body consciousness. Mindfulness practices and meditations. Reconnect with your wellbeing.

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